Nothing to do with wolves actually

I recently started reading 'Women Who Run With The Wolves' and it made me think (as any book should, no matter its actual merits, this or that - if you're 'whole' enough you can absorb, let's say, what is needed from the material and not focus on the small parts that you disagree with *that's what she said*) about my life as a grown-up, a woman, a girl, a girl-child that I used to be. 

So I looked at the album of my childhood pictures and had some retrospective epiphanies - my past self revealed what it had learnt a long time ago, but kept hidden. 

Before it is noted - yes, I've been regressing in a way recently, 'walked down the memory lane' way too often, used the word 'retrospect' too often and in general been too contemplative. It is necessary for self-reflection (a word that is incredibly overused; if I had Pinterest, it would be the only thing 'pinned' there and I would salute myself for being a complete dickhead), I tell ya'! 

Now, where were we?

Here's the defining moment that answers the question of why I'm fascinated with Gollum. 

Here is the photographic evidence of acceptance that sometimes you're just too little to get up on the tree with 'the big kids'. I'm walking away crying. 

The moment you realise that you'll never be the princess in any story - whether it's real or it's play-acting. I'd like to think I've come to terms with that. 

And, lastly, there will be days that your house is a mess and you don't want to get dressed in the morning or brush your hair. This child says: 'I ain't gettin' stuff done today. Deal with it.' Am I allowed to listen to my little self? 

I've succeeded in amusing myself. 

And will return with relevant thoughts about the book next time. 

Goodnight xx 

I once saw a UFO. I'm telling you.

I come from a family where everyone likes to ponder, philosophise and overanalyse most things and situations. Being incredibly, overly self-reflective has its benefits; but more often it is tiresome and quite egotistic. Hence, I won't be analysing stuff too much here, this time.

So, here's a blog post about things (better - random memories) that strangely stick in your mind for no apparent reason (but I'm sure I could figure it out, if I wanted to prove that I know everything and reveal my secret life as an amateur psychologist).

1. Once when I was a kid and my dad was driving us somewhere in the city I freaked out because I thought he might accidentally hit a pigeon. To which my dad responded: 'Have you ever seen a pigeon hit by a car?' This really calmed me down - I hadn't, indeed, seen a pigeon hit by a car. I continued to live my life in blissful ignorance and all was well...until the day I saw a pigeon on the road, flattened into a crispy disk of sundried flesh and feathers. City life happened to it. And these are the defining moments in a child's life when s/he learns that parents aren't always right. I'm still waiting for the right moment to remind my dad what he once said and what is the 'harsh reality'.

Here's a slightly irrelevant, illustrative photo of a dead pigeon I once had an honour to take:

Right, moving on.

2. My sister once told me she'd seen a UFO, and this had such an effect on me that I became conviced that it was me it had happened to and unconsciously usurped her 'memory', for a period of time retelling it as my own. But, if I remember correctly, I also added stylistic elements of a Zeppelin to my descriptions of this aircraft; at least, that's how I remember it.

3. You do not want to be the last one in the procession of kids riding bikes through the 'Hanging Hill'. Fuck that. I still wouldn't go there on my own. If I've learnt anything in my adult years it is - don't be arrogant in your 'rationality' - weird* stuff happens; and in the movies the 'rational' character dies first.

4. Once in primary school a boy in my class told everyone about this man who was walking down the stairs and poking his nose, and when he tripped he poked his eye out through his nose (poppycock). It fundamentally changed my world view (possible pun...?) at the time. As a child who possibly might have done it from time to time, I realised that the world was not always a safe place.


This will probably need to be updated and reviewed at some point later. Although, I think you got the gist.

I bid you adieu.

Mara

*To keep it simple.

Contradict yourself

Most of the time most of us don't know what we're saying; it is like Tetris - you scramble for the next word that will fit after what you've just said and you might be lucky..., but you might also fail. However, never fear...Because no one will notice it.

Sometimes I read what I've written and think to myself: 'What did I mean?' I often don't remember it; I'm just impressed by my decent skill to 'make' a sentence. And sometimes, when the grammar 'matches the curtains' (yes, I know it doesn't make sense), I think: 'Fucking hell! I can write something. And sometimes people even get it.'

Learn from my mistakes - don't be self-deprecating, children. 

Love, learn, change and contradict yourself everyday, because otherwise you won't grow. There are only a few principles you should stick to and they are simple and always good for you and the people around you. Everything else is balderdash.

Have a lovely day x 

Elbows.

You know you're a grown-up when you start to moisturise your elbows.