Clichés

There's a reason why some things become clichés, like there's some truth in every joke. 

That's also a cliché.

But from now on let's steer clear of the word. 

It's a story that some people never go through, because they don't have to learn something like it. They are born with it or maybe they've gone through it at a younger age, just like they 'survived' puberty. Or, perhaps, it was inoculated into them at a a pox party.

What I'm talking about is allowing yourself to make mistakes. 

Here comes to mind an Emerson quote from my beloved Self-Reliance: 

“Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict[s] every thing you said today.” 

I never knew until recently how it is to live to the fullest and by that I don't mean 'party hard' or be Vin Diesel (for whatever reason it came to my mind). 

Live how you want to live today because when tomorrow comes it will be again 'today'. Yes, I know - a c....é (and by that I meant 'chuuuupé').

Do whatever you like as long as you wish well to everyone and then, when you  make a fool of yourself, own up to it, because things done out of love (and I even count silly infatuations to it) can never embarrass you. If you're humble and genuinely don't give a damn (or do) nothing will embarrass you. 

Caring about people and expecting for them to care about you is silly. It is not business. It will never be a 'fair' exchange by financial standards. I was told this once by someone I really, really respect. 

And once I thought it was unreal to truly enjoy loving someone and not expect anything in return - be it romantic, familial or simply human; but now I know the feeling and it is everything. It is happiness.

Someone said women can 'create' love within themselves, men can only 'access' it through them. Don't know about men, but it works for me.  

So thank you for it being that way. 

Good night x 

Let's look at art!

Today at our weekly 'workshop' at Anna's I made a 'piece of art' - peas in a pod. 

It is no secret that I have a controversially amazing talent at modelling fruit and veg. Today I thought, why not try to present it as praiseworthy? 

Why not give it a provocative title?

I'll call it 'Labial pearls'. 

As for the one stray pea - it represents a society outcast. 

I could also call it 'Family and the black pea' ('black sheep', ya' know). 

Or '[a] Squeeze in a pod'. 

The two in the background are 'Shakespeare' and 'Solveiga'. 

Good day to you all. xx 

Comfort food

There is comfort in constant misery and depression, I remember. You say you would do anything to see the world differently, but the twisted stability it offers draws you in. And all you have to do to see the world differently is...see the world differently. Yes, I believe that everything starts with a thought. It is hard work. Not only do you 'see' from the inside out (obviously), but you also project and simultaneously, continuously create the world around you. 

'To each according to his faith' is not about religion, any kind of religion. It is simply - what you deeply, unconsciously believe in and the belief system you have grown up on makes you see and create the world according to this model. And the world responds. It is not political and it is not rational by current dogmatic standards. It works on energetic levels and there is no wrong and no right, so there is no point in arguing why one child 'deserves' (what a horrific word in all its uses) to starve and one - to have every toy he points his little chubby finger at.  

We are not separate from the world around us, from our family or country. We have come into this world not as blank pages, but with yet another chance to grow and 'make' ourselves

. 

And, as trivial as it sounds, all that matters is how much you love yourself and the people around you, whether it be your neighbours or strangers a thousand miles away. 

Just because I believe that everything happens for a reason doesn't mean that it absolves me of any responsibility to care for or help others. But it certainly takes away any right to judge others or be cynical. 

Let's be 'sentimental' - live, love and learn. You won't remember anything else in your last moments

Peace out x 

P.s. 'Mīli' is sort of an 'order' to love. My amazing translation skills shall not be ridiculed. 

All I Want For Christmas

Yes, it's November, Christmas is miles away and there are plenty of hilarious 'angry' posts on Facebook with a picture of a drunken Santa flipping you off while the message says 'It's November, dickheads, stop posting Christmassy shit' (or maybe it's just my friends). Yet here we are - listening to Last Christmas and genuinely not giving a fuck.

So, while I was downloading different versions of Silent Night, like an expert, I thought about what I want for Christmas (contradictory to All I Want For Christmas Is You, I want some other stuff, since wanting doesn't get you far).

Here's a list of things I would like to happen by Christmas and also stuff that I would like to get.

1. I'd like my friends to host an intervention for me and, tearfully reading from a piece of paper, beg me to stop using semicolon so much.
2. I'd like my laughter to not be so low.
3. Also, can I please have Lego? You're never too old for Lego.
4. Please, can Tinder self-destruct? For the sake of humanity. And love.
5. I'd like to be a member of Pentatonix. It looks like a lot of fun.
6. Cake.
7. May 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown never stop.
8. I'd like my knees to feel fantastic, so I can run more than ten kilometres.
9. I will need some help to stop making up names for my future children, I will never even have that many.
10. World peace.


God Bless You, children.

Māra x

Nothing to do with wolves actually

I recently started reading 'Women Who Run With The Wolves' and it made me think (as any book should, no matter its actual merits, this or that - if you're 'whole' enough you can absorb, let's say, what is needed from the material and not focus on the small parts that you disagree with *that's what she said*) about my life as a grown-up, a woman, a girl, a girl-child that I used to be. 

So I looked at the album of my childhood pictures and had some retrospective epiphanies - my past self revealed what it had learnt a long time ago, but kept hidden. 

Before it is noted - yes, I've been regressing in a way recently, 'walked down the memory lane' way too often, used the word 'retrospect' too often and in general been too contemplative. It is necessary for self-reflection (a word that is incredibly overused; if I had Pinterest, it would be the only thing 'pinned' there and I would salute myself for being a complete dickhead), I tell ya'! 

Now, where were we?

Here's the defining moment that answers the question of why I'm fascinated with Gollum. 

Here is the photographic evidence of acceptance that sometimes you're just too little to get up on the tree with 'the big kids'. I'm walking away crying. 

The moment you realise that you'll never be the princess in any story - whether it's real or it's play-acting. I'd like to think I've come to terms with that. 

And, lastly, there will be days that your house is a mess and you don't want to get dressed in the morning or brush your hair. This child says: 'I ain't gettin' stuff done today. Deal with it.' Am I allowed to listen to my little self? 

I've succeeded in amusing myself. 

And will return with relevant thoughts about the book next time. 

Goodnight xx 

I once saw a UFO. I'm telling you.

I come from a family where everyone likes to ponder, philosophise and overanalyse most things and situations. Being incredibly, overly self-reflective has its benefits; but more often it is tiresome and quite egotistic. Hence, I won't be analysing stuff too much here, this time.

So, here's a blog post about things (better - random memories) that strangely stick in your mind for no apparent reason (but I'm sure I could figure it out, if I wanted to prove that I know everything and reveal my secret life as an amateur psychologist).

1. Once when I was a kid and my dad was driving us somewhere in the city I freaked out because I thought he might accidentally hit a pigeon. To which my dad responded: 'Have you ever seen a pigeon hit by a car?' This really calmed me down - I hadn't, indeed, seen a pigeon hit by a car. I continued to live my life in blissful ignorance and all was well...until the day I saw a pigeon on the road, flattened into a crispy disk of sundried flesh and feathers. City life happened to it. And these are the defining moments in a child's life when s/he learns that parents aren't always right. I'm still waiting for the right moment to remind my dad what he once said and what is the 'harsh reality'.

Here's a slightly irrelevant, illustrative photo of a dead pigeon I once had an honour to take:

Right, moving on.

2. My sister once told me she'd seen a UFO, and this had such an effect on me that I became conviced that it was me it had happened to and unconsciously usurped her 'memory', for a period of time retelling it as my own. But, if I remember correctly, I also added stylistic elements of a Zeppelin to my descriptions of this aircraft; at least, that's how I remember it.

3. You do not want to be the last one in the procession of kids riding bikes through the 'Hanging Hill'. Fuck that. I still wouldn't go there on my own. If I've learnt anything in my adult years it is - don't be arrogant in your 'rationality' - weird* stuff happens; and in the movies the 'rational' character dies first.

4. Once in primary school a boy in my class told everyone about this man who was walking down the stairs and poking his nose, and when he tripped he poked his eye out through his nose (poppycock). It fundamentally changed my world view (possible pun...?) at the time. As a child who possibly might have done it from time to time, I realised that the world was not always a safe place.


This will probably need to be updated and reviewed at some point later. Although, I think you got the gist.

I bid you adieu.

Mara

*To keep it simple.

Contradict yourself

Most of the time most of us don't know what we're saying; it is like Tetris - you scramble for the next word that will fit after what you've just said and you might be lucky..., but you might also fail. However, never fear...Because no one will notice it.

Sometimes I read what I've written and think to myself: 'What did I mean?' I often don't remember it; I'm just impressed by my decent skill to 'make' a sentence. And sometimes, when the grammar 'matches the curtains' (yes, I know it doesn't make sense), I think: 'Fucking hell! I can write something. And sometimes people even get it.'

Learn from my mistakes - don't be self-deprecating, children. 

Love, learn, change and contradict yourself everyday, because otherwise you won't grow. There are only a few principles you should stick to and they are simple and always good for you and the people around you. Everything else is balderdash.

Have a lovely day x 

Elbows.

You know you're a grown-up when you start to moisturise your elbows.

Then and now: The Two Towers. (I'd personally prefer 'The Return of the King')

I'm here. Now what? 

It is an adventure - as trivial as that. The most important thing is to not look back. Don't walk back in your footsteps. Say 'thank you' and have amazing memories, but never compare present to past. I guess it is like that with everything, not just moving to another country and whatnot. 

I am conscious of the fact that I stand out like a sore thumb here. Or, perhaps, I'm simply paranoid.

My jokes have left me and, instead of it being a sad state of affairs, it is funny in itself. It is a tragicomedy and it is intrinsic to these kinds of changes - changes that supposedly have nothing tragic about them, but they come along with a lot of melodrama. 

However, it doesn't mean that the emotions and words uttered at the time are not genuine. 

Retrospect is a cynical bitch. Don't listen to it. 'Now' is your bestie. 

***

Once you open up and dare to stop trying to be a perfectly balanced and reasonable human being, life becomes simple (as awkward as this sentence is, it is exactly what I wanted to say). 

So, now I sit here with my ego and we're both eating icecream, and then it will go and hang out somewhere else and leave me alone for a while. And it is a good state of affairs. Balance is not control; it is knowing that wherever you are, you are your own moral compass, or rather - safe place.

Yada yada yada.

I googled what 'yada' means. Go for it.

***

I will go and get a job now. 

Maybe eat another carrot. 

And then think about whether I should start collecting plastic bags. Like mums do. Maybe that is 'why mums go to Iceland'? You see, no one will get this 'joke' here, back in Latvia. It doesn't matter that it is not funny, at least it could have been understood and not laughed at. There is some comfort in it. 

Moving country plus lunar eclipse, plus it being a Monday is a mix equivalent to a Long Island Iced Tea; you are lucky that vomit is not involved (but I think I got that on credit yesterday when that child on the train vomited on my bag). 

I only added this photo of a world map because someone has put a sticker on Russia that resembles a 'wife-beater'. 

Farewell.

Skaidri un gaiši - par bēgļiem un mēdijiem.

Lai izvairītos no gara Facebook ieraksta, vēlos izteikties uz šīs platformas. 

Daļai cilvēku patīk ģeneralizēt noteiktas rakstura īpašības un uzvedību un piešķirt tās noteiktām ādas krāsām, seksuālām orientācijām un nacionalitātēm. Tas viss, protams, lai saliktu sev apkārtējo pasauli glīti plauktiņos, tā segregējot cilvēkus - 'viņi' un 'mēs'. Mēdiji to ļoti labi prot propogandēt.

Diskriminācija un rasisms kā termini, šķiet, ka tikai var tikt lietoti, ja apvainotais ir 'labs' cilvēks, priekšzīmīgs cilvēks, kluss cilvēks, kurš, galvu nodūris, aiz pateicības būs gatavs ceļos krist. 'Vot' tas cilvēks tad laikam ir 'nopelnījis' Tavu viedo, paštaisno, palīdzīgo roku. Tikko kaut viens no 'viņiem' (kā mums tīk domāt) uzvedās 'ne tā', tad visi tiek grūsti tajā paša bedrē - 'paskaties, kā šie tur visu apspēra, izārdīja, mežoņi! Mums tādus nevajag.' 

Visur ir pa nelietim, bet, ja norakstīsim tam apkārtesošos cilvēkus, tad sasniegsim paštaisnuma un nenovīdības kalngalus.

Kamēr neesam pazinuši īstas bailes un izmisumu, varbūt ir vērts pārdomāt lietas. 

Un es droši varu teikt, ka neapskaužu bēgļa iPhone 6, jo mana ģimene ir drošībā un mani kaimiņi nemirst pa labi un pa kreisi. Man arī nav jāpaļaujas uz labdarību un jāraizējas, ka mani sūtīs atpakaļ uz vietu, kur, pilnīgi iespējams, esmu nolemta drīzai nāvei. 

Ja arguments ir 'vispirms parūpējamies par saviem', tad, labi - parūpējies 'par saviem' vismaz,...līdz šim gan neesmu redzējusi no lielajām balamutēm lielu atsaucību palīdzēšanā kaimiņiem, ziedošanā vai iesaistīšanos projektos. 

Cilvēki, kuriem patiešām ir grūti, nesūdzas - viņi cenšas izdzīvot.

Un, pirms zākājam savu valsti, atceramies, ka tie, kas darbojas politikā, arī nāk no mūsu pašu vidus. Ja, kaut kas neapmierina - ej, darbojies un maini lietas, nevis pasīvi-agresīvi sūksties. Mums vismaz ir brīvība. Nenovērtē to par zemu. 

Ja vēlies būt 'labs' (šis koncepts gan ir relatīvs un mulsinošs), tad nešķiro cilvēkus, negaidi neko pretī un esi pateicīgs, ka esi 'palīdzētāja' lomā, nevis lūdzēja.

 

Viss sākas ar attieksmi.

Sprīdītis un brīnumdaris

Pasauli neredzējis, mājas nenovērtēsi; arī pasauli nesapratīsi. Un kas tad ir 'pasaule'? 'Pa-saule' - tepat, jebkur 'zem' saules. Es esmu. 

Aj, kā man patīk mācīties.

Katru dienu un priecāties par to,

ko Tu man nes -

tāda mana iekšējā projekcija vien esi. 

Un, kad piktojies, es saprotu, 

kāpēc to dari, 

un vairs nesāp.

Brīnumdaris Tu esi un es arī.

Over-soul

You're not one person; there is no set form and frame you have to shape yourself into. What you think of yourself is what you make yourself to be. 

By tapping into the Emersonian over-soul you access all the information of everything and everyone, of all the matter - why limit yourself by adhering to long established inter-subjective realities? It's the collective ego that makes people recite the same things over and over again attributing their views to objectivity. There is no such thing.

I like the theory that every thing and every living being contains the information of the whole universe. Every particle possesses the consciousness of the whole. 

By separating mind and matter and time we make sense of what seems so overwhelming, but we also keep ourselves from ever fully connecting with our surroundings. For we are our surroundings.

And no, I haven't watched Matrix again recently. 

Basically I just recycled some stuff that I like to read and that I believe in. Without references. 'Cuz I'm not in uni anymore and I feel rebellious.

So, in short, I like Emerson, Osho and Bohm, and Pribram, and Talbot. The right information always finds you. 

Good day, peeps! You scallywags. 

In a relationship with Bane

This morning I was talking to Katrina about the new Mad Max and how...attractive Tom Hardy is. We eventually got to discussing Bane. Katrina said that they didn't do a good job dubbing him because she found it hard to understand what he was saying. I said I wasn't listening when he was speaking..., because I was busy imagining how it would be being in a relationship with Bane.

As you do. 

So here we are. 

-'Why do you never cook for me?'

-'Well, you never cook for me either. I can't eat. I have to get my nutrition intravenously [I imagine]. End of topic.' 

-'You do realise there will be no kissing. Any kind of kissing.' 

-'Why don't we spend more time together?'

-'Batman always comes first. You knew that before we got together, honey.'

-'...speaking of coming -'

Well, no thank you. 

X

Love is wild

Osho said that love is wild and you have to let it destroy you and recreate you over and over again. 

Lukewarm tea is also the worst. 

But passion and love are not the same. And that is where it goes awry. And that is why we only scratch the surface. Besides other things... Ey. 

Mondays are good if you stop whining about them. 

Remember to have a good day

X 

PhD interview

This is how I imagine my PhD studentship interview will go. 

Despite appearing to be immature about this, it is very important. And I only spent five minutes on this incredible illustration. 

Will take all the 'Mazeltovs' I can get. 

Meowsings.

Cats are so human. And humans are so not feline. Humans can be so simple. Simple pleasures, not much more sophisticated than a cat's. So we're similar after all, one might say . No. Cats are way more mysterious. 

And now, when I've reached new heights of incomprehensibility, I bid you goodnight.

I wonder what the people considering my PhD application would think if they saw this. 

Meow-zel tov.

P.s. 'Meowsings' stand for 'musings'.

 I might have ruined it now.

Food: Basics.

It's two shades of grey outside at the moment, and on days like this all I can think about is food. Food is delicious. Don't worry, I'll keep the tone nonsensical throughout.

Let's face it, from time to time things like this happen -

(Grammar is the least of the problems here.)

However,  most of the time I eat healthily (ish). So, here's a breakfast tutorial embellished with 'instagramic' crap -                                                           
                                      
'Breakfast food: Basics'.

Start your day with a cup of tea.
Take an Earl Grey tea bag.

 Bin it.

 Now make a cup of this healthy tea. Latvians do know a few things better.

If you like your tea sweet, I suggest brown sugar.

 Now put it back where it came from. You're not a child.

After having your cup of tea, it's time for some fresh fruit or veg.
Look in your fruit bowl (somehow I want to make this into a euphemism).

Pick something that looks edible.

 Eat the banana.

Wait a little while.

Oh, look - there's an avocado and a slice of gluten free bread.

Peel the avocado. Cut it in half. Put the halves on the slice of bread. Season with stuff. Like sea salt and whatnot.

If you're worried that it looks plain (I'm sure you're more worried about how it tastes...It's fucking delicious), here's a flower to 'pretty up' the presentation.

Do not eat the flower.

If you prefer garnish that's edible, here's a suggestion.

Enjoy!


More food blogging to come.


Happy Sunday!

Mara.

Petty tips: How to amuse yourself at someone else’s expense.

Today I ruined my friend’s sneeze, as weird as it sounds. What an achievement. No, of course not, but it was amusing. You know that moment, when someone is about to sneeze and they stop and stare into blank space anticipating the satisfying (yet risky in public) imaginary snot air balloon? Well, my friend was there, and I looked at her and simply said: ‘No’. It worked. She was not happy. I personally think it was well deserved; she sneezes very loudly, it scares me.

 

Anyway, I love these kinds of little everyday things and this made me think of other tricks that work well within the subtle art of annoying people you love.

Pretend yawns.

Simple but highly entertaining if you’re in a childish mood. For that one person who doesn’t know what ‘pretend yawns’ are – you pretend to yawn...and it is one of the laws of nature that people around you will have the urge to yawn as well. Repeat as many times as necessary to annoy your target. 

The last gherkin in the jar.

Frankly, it can be any food stuff that you share with your flatmates, but the deviousness of this first occurred to me when pickled cucumbers were concerned (I’m Latvian, you don’t get it). Eat the whole jar of them (as you do), but one. So the next person is left with the dilemma of wanting to have the last one, but not wanting to deal with the stuff left in the jar and disposing of it (it can be messy - again, you don’t understand). I personally hate this. If you can’t relate to this, imagine a handful of cereal left in the box – enough to make you crave some, not enough to fully enjoy the crispy ‘yumminess’. 

The ‘where the fuck is *my* hot water’.

Wait for your flatmate to boil the kettle for their tea. While they’re not around make a cuppa for yourself and top the kettle up with some cold water. And leave it. Better yet – while they’re occupied elsewhere, switch it off before it boils.

The gibberish.

 

While your friend is trying to tell you something keep making unintelligible string of sounds every time they open their mouth. I learned from the best (yeah, I'm talking about you, Ieva) – only when you perfect this skill yourself you can learn to cope with the extreme frustration you feel when you’re the victim of it.

The ‘yeah, you do’.

Whenever your friend talks about themselves respond to it with a simple ‘yeah, you do’ with a hint of ‘pervy’ in it. Nothing works better than a ‘yeah, you do’ that's out of context. Works best with the opposite sex. 

The 'misspoken/misheard' misunderstanding.

Deliberately ‘mishear’ something your friend says, then keep repeating it and laugh at them like it’s their mistake. It used to be a nightmare of mine.

The ‘I’ll replace it...again’.

Finish your friend’s jar of Nutella (we’re not doing euphemisms this week, drop it), say you’ll replace it. Buy a new jar of Nutella. Tell your friend you kept your word, and everybody is happy...Then finish the new jar as well and don’t say anything about it until your friend comes up to you with an empty jar (drop it) and a wordless ‘what the fuck?’. That literally just happened.

That’s enough of childish mischief for now.

Good night, peeps.

Things that mildly annoy and amuse me when working behind the bar.

For about two years now I’ve been doing bar work part-time and full-time and there are things some customers do that never cease to baffle and amuse me at the same time. I know, there are many of us who work or have worked in the catering industry and what I will talk about is probably nothing new to you. However..., why not put another post out there?  Just for fun. 

So here is a list of types of people that I would like to have an honest conversation with and ask some questions to. (It comes with a side dish of some irrelevant Parks and Recreation GIFs. You're welcome.)

The ‘that is so expensive’ and ‘how much?!’ people. Once and for all, I don’t make the decisions about the price of drinks in the bar. I do understand that you might be shocked about the amount of money you are about to spend on a pint of lager (because those are usually the ‘I don’t buy rounds’ people), but there is nothing I personally can do about it – so don’t give vent to your dissatisfaction at my expense.  

How do I make this sound less like a rant?

The 'look at me I have so much cash' people. These people quite often will just put all of their cash on the counter and then ask you to pick out the money for the drinks. All I want to ask is - do I look like a bird to you (is what she said)? Is this some kind of a 'feeding from the hand' scenario? Should I put my hand in your pocket and look for the money there? Count your own money.

The passive aggressive ‘can I order drinks??’ people. And by this I don’t mean the people who, I can tell, are being polite and that is their way of starting a conversation. The ‘can I order drinks??’ people are the ones who had to wait for five seconds for you to notice them and are now unhappy about it. Yes, you can order drinks. This is a bar. And you can also keep your pants on. 

Unless they’re on fire. You know – ‘liar, liar, pants on fire’? No?

Ok. 

The ‘recommend something to me’ people.  The issue with this is that they don’t even know whether they want beer or wine or a distilled ‘beverage’ (I find the word ‘beverage’ so strange that quotation marks seem necessary). Maybe narrow it down a bit? I recommend a *Taylor* swift decision.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes these people can be fun. And sometimes it’s busy and other customers are waiting. 

The ‘never respond to a “hello” from staff’ people. Hello. I. Am. Human. Acknowledge. My. Presence. Please. Oh, you’d like a drink now? Thank God! I was starting to worry I’m invisible. 

The ‘I’m waiting for my five pence change’ people. This is actually quite funny. Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting your change back no matter how small it is. However, I always wonder about the level of awkwardness the customer feels when waiting for the few pennies, while it sometimes takes me a while to put through their order and give them the change.

The ‘conspicuous by trying to be casual’ loo visitors. Why not just say: ‘Hi, can I use your loo, please?’? Yes, you can. It’s not a crime. But it IS funny when you pretend to be interested in buying a drink. Or blatantly ignore everything on your way to the sacred throne. 

And lastly, people who joke about their drink being ‘on the house’.  Yes, I’ll pay for your drink even though your suit could pay for a few hundred of them.  You’re very funny. Also, now you’re probably the last person in the world to ever be considered for a ‘drink on the house’. 

There are, of course, more types of bar customers out there; these are just a few that I could remember on the spot. It used to really bug me to serve them, but now it’s kind of fun to recognise them on a busy night and smile at them no matter what. Nothing they can do if I’m being nice to them. Most of the people are nice anyway. Or super nice (if you know what I mean...Not that.) – a ‘thank you’ to those who leave a tip or get a drink for the bar staff. No one expects you to do that, so it is just very considerate...or drunk of you.

 

Also, I would like to use this platform to apologise to the guy that was the unfortunate victim of me accidentally saying ‘that will be sex twenty...umm, please’ instead of ‘six twenty’. It was probably obvious that your drink would not cost you sex and twenty pence on top of that. but still. I was distracted and if it makes you feel better – I think it was the first time in my life I blushed.